What did you say?

Grocery Shopping

2009-08-14T14:19:00.000-07:00

A friend was in line at the grocery store with her six year old son. The clerk was friendly and chatting with everyone. The boy said to her, "Do you know everyone?" She replied, "I like to talk. I guess people just like me." At which point the boy looks at his mother (my friend). "Mom, you like to talk and no one likes you."

Appropriate Dinner Attire

2009-06-08T09:59:00.000-07:00

Said Emma and Mandy's dad: "No daughter of mine will sit at the dinner table topless."

Overheard

2009-05-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

**The injury sustained in the following anecdote was accidental and was quickly recovered from.

I overheard my husband say the following to my eldest son. The tone of his voice, more annoyed than anything, is what really struck me as humorous.
"You didn't tell me that when you kicked your brother in the face, you gave him a bloody nose."

As it turns out, the little brother stepped in front of the big brother mid kung fu kick. He knew he would be in trouble if he didn't own up to what he did, so he admitted it, leaving out one tiny detail...
Everyone is fine now. No blood on the carpet. The little one is likely to be more careful around kung fu, and the older one learned an important lesson about responsability.

Writing in Diarrhea

2009-04-30T14:47:00.000-07:00

Last week our family suffered a bout of the Diarrhea. It was a new word for Nika and she got a little confused. In the locker room after swim lessons, she asks me out of the blue, "Do you write in Diarrhea?" Instantly turning red among the other swim instructors I reply, "No, No hunny! Than is a Diary!"

The Art and Science of Communication

2009-02-12T12:41:00.000-08:00

The following conversation actually took place, in front of witnesses.

4 year old: "Mom, what does no comprendo mean?"
Me: I don't understand.
4YO: What does no comprendo mean?
Me: I don't understand.
4YO: NO COMPRENDO
Me: No comprendo means I don't understand.
4YO: Why didn't you just tell me that?

Sick

2009-02-05T07:51:00.000-08:00

This morning, Benton chatted with his cousin Emma on the phone. She was too sick to come see him, so they got the basics out of the way. Then I hear Emma through the speaker phone say. "I'm sicker than a cat."

VBC

2009-01-17T13:01:00.000-08:00

This morning as I shoveled toys out from behind the crib, Benton started to laugh.
"Mommy there's something funny about your butt!"
Oh dear!
"It sneaked out when you were bending over!"
Argh!!

Don't Die There

2009-01-17T12:32:00.000-08:00

The other day I had to actually go into the bank. I gave Benton the privileged/responsibility of waiting for me in the waiting area. He did great at first, then I looked over and he was sprawled across the floor on his stomach.
Me: (in a violent whisper) What are you doing?
Benton: I'm pretending to be dead.
Me: (still whispering violently) Come here, right now.
He obeyed. I bent to his level and recognizing his need to pretend, but also recognizing the need for my son to properly comport himself in public, I said quite firmly,
Benton, if you are going to die, die in a chair like a civilized person.

More Potty Talk?!?

2007-09-20T13:39:00.000-07:00

Today I was helping my niece use the Potty. She proceeded to wipe her bottom, before taking the paper off the roll. I was astonished to find myself saying, "take the paper off the roll before you wipe." I wonder if she would have just left the paper on the roll for the next person. Imagine!

Cleaning the Toliet

2007-08-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

The other day I caught Nika using toothpaste and a toothbrush to clean the toliet. "Nika the toilet doesn't need anymore toothpaste."

Two Funny Ones

2007-08-23T15:37:00.000-07:00

Today Christian threw up on the floor (he was sort of choking), I set him down and walked around the corner to get stuff to clean it up. When I came back I found Nika Jumping in the throw up. As you can imagine I said, "Nika, Don't Jump in the Throw Up!" I then quickly said to Kiley, "Don't walk in the Throw UP!"

Expired Puppies...

2007-08-09T17:11:00.000-07:00

OK, here's what I heard from my husband who was in the room with the boys as they played pillow-fight with Lexx, "MALACHI! GENTLE! Puppies who can't breath aren't puppies for very long!"

Dinner Party

2007-08-01T23:17:00.000-07:00

We had some friends over for dinner tonight. The children were playing nicely in Ben's room when the other father went to check on them. "Why is the floor all wet in here?" He inquired. Since his audience consisted of a three-year old a two-year old and a year-and-a-half old, the answer was not forthcoming. Concerned that this could mean trouble, the other mother calls from the living room, "You'd better sniff it and see if it smells like pee." "What?" he called back. "Get down on the floor and see if it smells like urine."

(It was water).

Camping

2007-07-29T17:08:00.000-07:00

"Take the pinecone out of the measuring cup."
"Don't step on your brother."
"Get out of bed. It's not nap time right now."
"Why is there gravel in your diaper?"

Top 5 Things I Never Expected About Being a Parent:

2007-06-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

5. That the word "poop" would become part of my daily vocabulary.
4. That I would be able to say "breast feeding" with a staight face--or need to.
3. That I would have to be restrained from smacking a doctor who was less than gentle with my wounded son.
2. That seeing brothers hug would turn my heart into mush.
1. That my hopes and dreams mean nothing aginst the bliss of two little boys.

2007-06-26T09:39:00.001-07:00

"Do not mutilate your meat, young man."

At the tender age of 2.75, Benton is hardly a young man, but he was exhibiting some very masculine carnivorous tendencies at dinner as he tried to tear his steak in half with his bare hands.

Potty Talk

2007-06-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

I know this is supposed to be things Adults say, but Nika said the cutest thing. She was trying to use the potty and and wanted some privacy. So she said to her brother, "Get outta here, I need some 'Potty-see'" It was so funny.

More Spit

2007-06-07T17:24:00.000-07:00

"Do not spit in the dinner." That one kind of explains itself.

Cookies Please?

2007-05-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

Nika was looking for cookies in the Toilet this evening. I said,
"There are no cookies in the Potty!"

Set to the soundtrack of Kai having a spastic fit:

2007-05-15T18:52:00.000-07:00

"Solomon! You are responsible for where your spit lands, mister!" said in response to, "It's not my fault! Malachi keeps walking right in front of me when I'm spitting!"

Life Lessons

2007-05-07T15:33:00.000-07:00

"It's time to stop sharing now."
Benton had been informed he had enough M&Ms and told not to eat any more. His solution was to get the M&Ms and give them to his friend Rachel. Rachel's Daddy decided she had enough as well and asked Benton not to give her any more. Benton had a hard time grasping the concept until his Daddy explained it to him very carefully...

Potty Mouth

2007-03-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

"Potty goes in the toilet, not on the floor."
"Mommy wants to go potty by herself."
"How did you bonk your head on the potty?"
"Benton, come get your letters out of the potty."
Ahh, the joy of toilet training.

2007-02-02T13:53:00.000-08:00

"Emmaleigh, please take Jesus out of the Bible."
Of course there is a story behind this one, and I did smiles as I heard the words cross my lips. I caught my 2 year-old trying to fold baby Jesus, a wise man, a penguin, and a cow between the pages of my Bible. The thin pages were about to tear under the pressure when I said the whole bit about taking Jesus out of the Bible. It made perfect sense at the time, just as Emma thought it was logical to put Jesus back in the Bible where He belongs.

Things I never thought I'd say

2007-01-26T10:03:00.000-08:00

Before I was a mom, the things I said were normal, intelligent phrases--at least I think they were. But now, as the mother of a two year old, I hear the strangest phrases fall out of my mouth. Perhaps the strangest phenomenon of all is that, in context, these bizarre words make sense. In talking it over with friends, I am relieved to discover I'm not the only one. If you would like to share some of the things you never thought you'd say, whether as a parent, or in some other line of work, please feel free to comment away. Today's nugget: "Giraffes do not go in the microwave."